I woke in one morning and went from deep sleep straight into a journey by myself. There was a lot of electricity in my body, that was epileptically shaking from feet to head. My eyes rolled up and after a while I was once again going through a life review that ended up in the womb experience. The process took around two hours and when finished, I headed down to the communal kitchen to start my morning. While talking to one of our cats, something felt different in my skin: I felt a shift of vibrations and it was almost as if someone was slightly pulling me up. Instantly, no words were coming out of my mouth anymore, only sounds. As predicted a month before, I had lost my language and was unable to speak English or any other human/natural language. |
After a while, I grew into my own new language and felt natural languages (in this case, English) in very different ways. It was as if whenever people talked around me, I was behind curtains, trying to trace the words back to their meanings, and witnessing language finding its way: rather than people, I started to see stories, discourses taking place at every single act of speech. That sensory stage helped me to finally ground aspects related to the structure of language: 1. we are constantly drawing words out of a number of possible choices. these words are supposed to best describe reality, translating source. 2. after selecting the words, we begin to speak or write them in such a linear way that it actually imprints in our body-minds the concept of time as it is usually known. |
Writing also changed: the golden codes I was once writing on the air during my first innerdance in maia were now being written on paper. I began to describe reality using a different set of tools. Something way different than words, they helped me to arrive at different ways of being on earth, the different dimensionalities of thought and multiple and diverse ways of accessing the unseen and unspoken, the backstage. I could not yet translate everything that was being presented to me in the traditional and linear sense of it. Still, sometimes, a certain number of codes made up to a word in English; or the sounds of the language in my mind were instantly translated into a word or clue to something. In my head, different layers of communication began to take place. |
A year after my first experiences within aphasia, I began to grow interest in reading, studying and speaking again. Assisted by the innerdance frameworks and my insane curiosity and willingness to experiment on things, something began to take shape again. Things are not happening differently than before, but there is a careful composition at place. Something that is learning how to emanate its most authentic vibration. It feels like learning how to speak all over again: be it by repeating other people’s words or ways of expressing themselves, by creating new ones, or simply by accepting the old that is still part of what i am now. The story never ends. |