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I was drawn to listen to the pregnant potent zoom call today , as I began to hear your voices, my blood whooshed with an intense energy and I realized it.
So much of what I have experienced over the last few weeks with my son Tarn who underwent a near-fatal accident felt like a birthing process. Strangely, last night - before acknowledging and seeing the call today, I was holding my belly as if I was pregnant. It's been so strange this sensation, and last week I was dreaming of Elfie giving birth and me becoming a mother and grandmother again. |
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The whole journey of Tarn is too full to share now but the part I want to share are a few of the things he spoke of as he drfited in and out of consciousness as his spirit was deciding whether to return to this earth realm or not. He would be asleep and wake and say a few words and fall back into a deep sleep state. A few of the many things he said, the most profound for me was "they don't know how to dis-arm themselves so they stay armed." This was on day 3. Over and over, I remember these words. They have so much within them. On day 6 or 7, he woke for a moment and said "I'm so tired ... I have been rebirthed so many times." On day 7 and 8, this was the time when I began to feel he was out of danger. He said "I don't need the angels anymore. You can open the windows." Each time he would wake up, he would say things such as these and then fall back again into a very deep slumber. So when I saw your message about the zoom call, I wasn't sure what would resonate for me until I listened to it just now and of course so much does!
I was rolling around on my mat while listening to it while realizing how much my yoga practice and teaching has changed significantly since his accident. It is as if I am birthing something, from a sense of a new beginning. You spoke of parenting being the biggest ego death, and this I feel I am experiencing anew. Another wave of ego death within my practice is happening. I am seeing, it is not a sense of movement as I once perceived movement. It is much clearer now that it's the essence of movement that I feel moves through me within the realms of my body and through the space I am in. I have always considered the word essence to be delicate and tender, yet it's the most intense and powerful felt sense I have ever experienced which nowadays sometimes feels too much to cope with. My awareness then invites me to soften and let go again and again in trust. I thought I had felt what letting go is before but now, this is something so very different.
I utterly believe that the pandemic of love and healing energy that was generated through his experience healed him. Even the doctors were calling it a miracle that he healed so quickly considering the extent of his injuries.mAs I said there are so many incredible layers to this remarkable story. I hope to write them down sometime soon.
Birth and parenthood is the ultimate essence of letting go. I remember this now as I write this email and describe my experiences in the practice that giving birth holds the same sensations as do the spiritual processes. I see the same intelligence in so many layers of what is occurring in the body, in our relationship with our children and then in the same dynamics that take place across the world now.
I was rolling around on my mat while listening to it while realizing how much my yoga practice and teaching has changed significantly since his accident. It is as if I am birthing something, from a sense of a new beginning. You spoke of parenting being the biggest ego death, and this I feel I am experiencing anew. Another wave of ego death within my practice is happening. I am seeing, it is not a sense of movement as I once perceived movement. It is much clearer now that it's the essence of movement that I feel moves through me within the realms of my body and through the space I am in. I have always considered the word essence to be delicate and tender, yet it's the most intense and powerful felt sense I have ever experienced which nowadays sometimes feels too much to cope with. My awareness then invites me to soften and let go again and again in trust. I thought I had felt what letting go is before but now, this is something so very different.
I utterly believe that the pandemic of love and healing energy that was generated through his experience healed him. Even the doctors were calling it a miracle that he healed so quickly considering the extent of his injuries.mAs I said there are so many incredible layers to this remarkable story. I hope to write them down sometime soon.
Birth and parenthood is the ultimate essence of letting go. I remember this now as I write this email and describe my experiences in the practice that giving birth holds the same sensations as do the spiritual processes. I see the same intelligence in so many layers of what is occurring in the body, in our relationship with our children and then in the same dynamics that take place across the world now.