Initiated into the Other (shared by Kitti from Sydney)
There have been thoughts slowly circling my mind like storm clouds waiting to coalesce into rain.
I have been listening for and sensing something untouchable. A strange melancholy grasped me this week with all kids of bodily discomforts that began in the belly and ascended to the throat. I want to know the dark side of the moon. Forever a story loops inside. What brought an unforseen awakening and the bitter-sweet blessings that flowed forth from 2015, the year I lifted my head to see there was a boundless sky above me. On an otherwise ordinary night I woke to see the clock strike 1.11am. I thought to myself “that’s odd, it is also the 11th today”. This was the first time I had made any specific numerical association. I remember there were peculiar sounds coming from my garden that night but otherwise it was just a moment. Looking back that moment seems to have foreshadowed everything that has come since. A short time after that night I found myself lying on a massage table feeling a freight train running through my body in a sudden and unexpected kundalini explosion. The sensation that had begun in my left big toe surged through my body with a ferocity unlike anything I have experienced before or since. I felt myself pop out the crown of my head. Then I passed out. When I came to the energy was beginning to build in my right leg. The same extreme surge moved up my body but this time it came with a wave of fear and I tensed blocking the flow around my throat/neck/base of skull area. That unexpected experience was like having the reset button pushed on my life. Nothing has been the same since. I dropped a 25yr chronic pot habit instantly and dove intensely into breath work and spiritual practice. I wanted desperately to understand what had happened and what was continuing to light up areas in my body like wild fire. I writhed in my sleep. Dreams became highly energetic and tactile experiences often with profound lucidity. By day I became the recluse, overly sensitised to the world around me and highly emotionally vulnerable. My life also became imbued with coincidence and synchronicity. Number patterns appeared everywhere and slowly I began to restructure my whole way of being and experiencing the world. Then in 2017 I was introduced to KAP. While my experience was nowhere near as intense as the energy that had awoken in 2015 I was delighted to find myself in rooms full of people who were all sharing aspects of what I had been experiencing. Through KAP I found Pi and innerdance. Pi’s brief “Introduction to Infinity” workshop in Sydney held true to its name. Now as I reflect on that experience it was perhaps my most prolonged and deep experience of the other. I felt I was the universe in conversation with itself. A personal journey gave way to a galactic remembrance. The story of all stories begged to be read and its pages were our bodies. Perhaps within the innerdance arena stories like this are common. I share this now because it feels ripe and I’m reaching from raw to ready ; ) So who is the other and who is the self? 11’s were the first predominant numerical pattern that appeared in 2015 and I felt they had something to do with a mirror of consciousness – one comes to see itself in everything around it. The yo’u’ inverse! We want to know a lover, a friend, a child, a parent. We want to relate, to connect and experience intimacy (into-me-I-see). We want to know ourselves through our experience of the other. But what if there is another other, another self. Something we sense like the dark side of the moon. Birth brings a separation from infinity. A boundary forms and that boundary becomes a surface for reflection.
Who is dreaming the dream? To the Mexican sorcerers the self we know is the tonal and the other is the nagual. The island of the tonal includes everything we know and can explain. The nagual, the unknowable, is everything else. It can be experienced but never defined. Carl Jung also wrote of the dual self, the anime or animus. He sensed this presence of another self from an early age as perhaps many of us do as we sense an incompleteness. Recently I have been on another journey with numbers. One in particular stands out and also reduces to 11. The physical constant known as the Fine Structure Constant defines a threshold whereby an electron will either absorb or emit a photon. This number, 137, also known as the alpha constant, acts as a kind of gateway between the black and the white, the Quazar and the blackhole. 137 is the mirror. Many of us are standing on this threshold with faces pressed to the glass, willing to risk our sanity for a glimpse of the other self. I find it very curious that this IDES online process is being conducted in two rooms and I cannot help send out my feelers. Who is there? As this room enters the orange relationship seem a ripe topic for discussion. Lastly sharing a brief recount of my experience with the iofthestorm playlist as it relates.. This was written about 10days back. There was a slow building of energy in my chest,like an inflation. It reached a threshold then started to spread throughout my entire body. The complex layers of sounds felt delicious, able to speak to so much of me at once. I enjoyed the richness and relaxed into the intensity. There was a series of fast repetitive tapping noises that felt like a piercing through my crown, a cosmic drill bearing down through my spine. Again it felt good and I allowed the hole in my crown to widen, welcoming the vibration. Initially my experience was consumed by the intelligence of energy exploring my insides. At some point I saw my ex-husband’s hand holding a rose. I knew I was the rose and I watched as his fingers closed crushing me. Then a scene unfolded where I hugged him then kneed him in the balls then I kissed him and slapped him.. extremes of love and hate.. I’m so angry at how I was treated as a mother and also so grateful that the bitter sweet story of our life together fueled the inner search that has brought so much wonder and clarity.. after this scene I remember hearing clearly “you have no name”. All story vanished and I became a blissful no-one, a witness of emptiness. I’m not sure how long that lasted, then there was a moment I was holding my hands in prayer position shaking them vigorously while pointing at the major chakras of the body from tailbone up. When I got to the throat I froze. I realized I was the other, the one shaking my hands at a body I knew to be my own. I have had out of body experiences before but this left a strange sense of shock in my body. I wasn’t sure which one was the real me. Temporarily I felt suspended between both. Both were me. All this unfolded while my body lay very still, brimming with energy.. then something shifted and I began to move. At first there was a lot of muscular tensing and spasming then it began to flow. It was about 6.30am and the reminder of the session the energy guided my body through an intuitive morning stretch. At the end I felt awake and fresh. I went to work and noticed I was more deeply connected with my feet today. My bodywork was slower, deeper and more embodied. After my clients I listened to Pi’s latest audio and he talked about the red, the feet and grounding 😋 this is also curious because when I held my first InnerDance session since preCOVID times, for some reason I felt all week not to plan anything.. when my friends arrived a little was shared amongst the group about family and father energy and a ‘red’ playlist was chosen.. I am always blown away how self directed the energy is.